And now, the 1997 winner:
Larry Waters of Los Angeles; one of the few Darwin winners to survive his
award winning accomplishment.
Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he
graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming
a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally
discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the local
Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks
of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more
than four feet across.
Back home, Larry securely strapped the
balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper
of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for
a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground. Satisfied it
would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six pack of Miller Light,
loaded his pellet gun, figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was
time to descend, and went back to the floating lawn chair. He tied himself
in along with his pellet gun and provisions. Larry's plan was to lazily
float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard after severing
the anchor and in a few hours come back down. Things didn't quite work
out that way.
When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn
chair to his jeep, he didn't exactly float lazily up to 30 or so feet.
Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon. He didn't
level off at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet. After climbing
and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he couldn't
risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really
find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened,
for more than 14 hours.
Then he really got in trouble. He found
himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International
Airport. A United Airlines pilot was the first to spot Larry. He radioed
the tower and described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. One can
only imagine the conversation of the crew following this encounter. Radar
confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport.
LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was dispatched
to investigate.
LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling
and the offshore breeze began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with
the helicopter in hot pursuit. Several miles out, the helicopter caught
up with Larry. Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they
attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would
push Larry away whenever they neared. Finally, the helicopter ascended
to a position several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line.
Larry snagged the line and was hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver
was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew.
As soon as Larry was hauled to earth,
he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.
As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring
rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned and replied nonchalantly,
"A man can't just sit around and have a beer anymore." Let's hear it for
Larry Waters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner. |
and now the Darwin Award
Winner for 1998:
Paderborn, Germany - Overzealous zoo keeper
Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal
laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting
to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that
dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that
time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents." |